A British Newspaper today reported that:

HARRY Potter has been put on the A-level English curriculum.

Harry Potter Education

JK Rowling’s tales of the boy wizard, below, and his head teacher Dumbledore will be studied alongside Shakespeare and Dickens.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, her first novel in the series and the world’s 12th best-selling book of all time, is on the English language and literature syllabus of the AQA board, which sets half the UK’s exams.

From next year, students will write a 1,500-word essay comparing the author with another writer.

WTF

Well we here at Nothing To Serious have decided to help the students and future world leaders by updating some famous quotes:

The Merchant of Hogwarts Act 3, scene 1, 58–68

Harry:
I am a Wizard.

Hath not a Wizard eyes?

Hath not a Wizard hands, organs, dementors, senses, affections, passions;
fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases,
healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter
and summer, as a muggle is?

If you prick us, do we bleed?

If you tickle us, do we laugh?

If you poison us, do we die?
And if you wrong us, do we not revenge?

If we wizards are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that.

Harryet Act 5, scene 1, 179–188

Harry:
Alas, poor Voldemort! I knew him, Hermione,
a fellow of infinite death and misery, of most excellent fancy.
He hath on me made attack a thousand times and now how abhorred in my imagination it is!
My gorge rises at it.

Hermione & Harry Act 2, scene 2, 33–49

Hermione:
O Harry, Harry, wherefore art thou Harry?
Deny thy foster parents,
Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love
And I’ll no longer be a Granger.

Harry:
[Aside] Shall I tell her, I wear my cloak of invisibility and I’m in her wardrobe?

Hermione:
‘Tis but thy name that is my enemy:
Thou art thyself, though not a Potter.
What’s Potter? It is a pot maker,
Nor arm nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. You know what I mean!
What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
by any other word would smell as sweet, I think.
So Harry would smell of cabbage, were he not Harry called.
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Harry, doff thy name,
and for thy name, which is no part of thee,
Take all myself, I’m naked.

Harry:
I Know!

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