Nothing To Serious - Made Up News

1997XF11 Will Hit The Earth! Near-Earth asteroid 1997XF11, discovered on December 6 1997 by James Scotti of the Arizona Spacewatch Program, will collide with the Earth in 2028. The orbit of XF11 will bring it close to the Earth many times. In October 2002 it was an excellent target for detailed radar observations, and in 2028 it will be bright enough to be seen without telescopic aid, right up until the point where it crashes into the Earth and kills everything.
Hollywood denies illiteracy charges. Top Hollywood studios have denied that they are trying to keep audiences stupid. By remaking every decent foreign film the American movie goers never has to read a subtitle, ever.
Italian Bars Trying To Prevent Ugly Babies! Bar and club owners in Italy are working together to stop ugly babies being born. A new drug called sobereyes is being tested all around Italy, without the customers consent!
Paul Weitz to direct The Half Blood Prince! In the spirit of Halloween, we thought we should do something spooky, but then we heard that American Pie director Paul Weitz is going to take over the directors roll for Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince.
Google & Nokia to stop Drunken messages! Gmail and Nokia are trying to help, by stoping us sending messages when we are drunk. We just bought some new mobiles for the office, so we could communicate better with each other, twitter or even post to Flicker direct from our phones.
Mobile Phone Makers Admit to Murder! The makers of cell phones today admitted to murdering MUSIC. We just bought some new mobiles for the office, so we could communicate better with each other, twitter or even post to Flicker direct from our phones.
Large Hadron Collider Leak! There was a problem and the universe was sucked through the black hole that the collider produced... "We fired two beams of particles called protons around the 27km-long tunnel which houses the Large Hadron Collider (LHC). There was a problem and it caused a leak, which released a black hole." Project leader Lyn Evans told NTS.
Are The Monsters Rising? With the release of more and more pictures, we think that the Monsters are Rising and will attack humanity soon….. With the recent sightings of Nessie, the loch Ness monster: and the discovery of a real Chupacabra we here at NTS have started researching the latest discoveries of real living monsters.
Apple Lies, Again! Television advert for the iPhone misled consumers, the Advertising Standards Authority has ruled. Two complaints to the watchdog noted that the advert said "all the porn on the internet is on the iPhone".
Gorillas Getting Pissed! A new study has revealed that our furry friends, the primates are a lot more sophisticated than we thought. Getting drunk and having wild parties seem to be the norm in the Congo nowadays.
New Research shows Food is good for you! The 8 year study which was conducted by A.C.R.O.N.Y.M (Association for Creating Random Ordinary Needless and Yummy Material) proves that there is a connection between food and being alive.
China: Officials say Olympics not upsetting Godzilla! China's ruling Communist Party has stated that Godzilla is not angered by the growing amount of tourists and noise in Beijing.
Microsoft is reading your Instant Messages! In a recent study by Microsoft it basically admitted to spying on us all, to prove the “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon” theory.
Eddie Murphy & Mike Myers to make 601 Shrek sequels! “We looked around and thought this is our legacy.” Eddie told NTS. Mike Myers told us over the phone, “The most sequels we could find was for a Japanese movie, they made part 48 of It's Tough to Be a Man.”
Man, who saw James Brown in concert once, puts “Relics” up for auction! James Van Der Lawser is auctioning off his “relics of soul.” The 33 year old from Amsterdam, Holland told NTS “It is James Brown thing; he was hero to Dutch people.”
Spain Vs Italy! Not football/soccer, this time it is the battle of the Festivals.
First CG Modern Art Exhibition Called Off! The CG Gallery in Manhattan has called off its first ever modern art exhibition.
Starbucks cup discovered on Mars! NASA's Pheonix Lander digs and finds a discarded Starbucks coffee cup.
Alabama Marriage Laws Change. The state of Alabama has voted to change it's wedding laws. And today for the first time ever, a 2 people from different families married each other.
New swimsuits have Japan quite worried For the Japan National Team's swimmers and coaching staff, this is THE question.
Barack Obama has a meeting with Hillary Clinton There was a secret meeting between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton yesterday.
Jolie – Pitt Adopted Family Threaten Paparazzi In these stunning pictures we can see the Jolie – Pitt newly adopted family threaten the paparazzi with bows and arrows.
America Denies UFO Invasion of Japan! The US Department of Defiance today issued a statement denying any involvement in the recent Alien invasion in Japan.
Alien Invasion Canceled! The alien invasion that was reported has been cancelled!
“They Live” Camera Inventor In FBI Custody. Adriano Hoozlebleed was taken into FBI custody today after pictures spread on the internet.
Americans tightening their belts As paychecks shrink, and military costs rise, consumers cut back on most non-essentials, polls say.